Dilemma

The post below mentions that I am having a hard time writing for this blog. I think I have a hard time writing in Turkish, in general. Maybe it's because my "introduction" to literature was in English and that's what I can't write, or maybe my brain works different or maybe I should read more Turkish novels. No idea. All I know is that every time I sit down to write, the (Turkish) words just seem to escape me...

I have been thinking about switching back and forth and that I should not give up trying to write in Turkish.

A friend of mine (well, an internet friend - we belonged to a pregnancy board together back in 1999) wrote that she is the sole remaining brown eyed family member in their household after her son, Nathan, passed away in July. July 29. July 29 2007. Seven year and one month old Nathan. Nathan was born a week after Arda. I keep reading Susan's blog, and checking back on Nathan's Caringbridge site every day... For some reason, every time I prayed in the past five years, I thought of Nathan. Every time I felt like I hurt my kids' feelings, I thought about Nathan. Though it has not been long since his death, his presence lingers vividly in my thoughts, and I am unable to forget him or his family for that matter... How is it possible that someone that I have never met moves me so? He was a soft spoken child, I think, the only time I heard his voice was when he was starring in a school play singing a few lines about a Blackbird and his mom posted this on her blog.. He read to his two little sisters. He liked construction stuff, especially trucks and Legos. I don't even imagine trying to understand what his family has gone through, or is living through.. And I feel helpless - I cannot do anything to ease their pain and I cannot do anything to bring Nathan back. Writing about him, and not forgetting him, is all I can do.

The only remaining brown eyed member of the family...