Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Utter confusion

I wake up at 6AM every week day morning utterly confused about why my cell phone is ringing. For the past 4 years, every morning as I wake up, I look at my cell phone and think to myself "why is this going off so early?"

I thought I would get used to it.

On the other hand, I spend each and every night struggling to fall asleep, drifting between being completely awake and aware of not falling asleep and restless sleeping during which I constantly dream of not falling or being asleep. I can literally count the number of nights when I fell asleep quickly, without going through this torture.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Such is luck. No such luck.

Yesterday, I successfully managed to crash my car into the garage wall (again) thanks to my wonderful neighbor who parked his car like 3 feet from the interior wall, dropped Tunca off at school, drove to Arda's school for a meeting where we went through 8 grades worth school supplies in only 4 hours, drove home, parked the car because my wonderful neighbor had left and I just did not want to go through the same nightmare again in one day, called a cab, picked Tunca up from school, went to a swim lesson, took him shopping to bu a freaking YoYo and a Harry Potter movie, came home, checked Arda's homework (partly done, good enough for me) and cooked. The last part the most traumatic.

All this sounds like the complaints of a useless feeble woman. I do feel useless at times. Right now, I feel disappointed, worried, confused, sad, fed up, tired, physically sick and unable tell my 6 year old son that his name was not on the list. The list. The lottery list. The school that Arda attends has so many applicants that they have a lottery among applicants after an interview. And the lottery was today. I know that my Tunca will thrive wherever he goes. He has such a brilliant shine, such incredible qualities that he will be happy in any school. As a parent, I of course want both my children to attend the school I know and trust. The school he will be attending is an excellent one as well. A small private school where he will have a great education, friends and all. He deserves the best and he will make the most of it. I know he will.

Such is life. And luck. I love you babe.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Domesticide Pesticide

The comfort in every day domestic duties lull me. Not to sleep. Mostly. I do need a nap often but that is more related to the fact that I love sleeping, anytime, but mostly during the day. I hate making the beds. Filling the dishwasher. Sorting the colors and whites. Washing stuff. Emptying the dishwasher. Emptying the washing machine. Hanging stuff up to dry. And on and on and on... Yet all this stuff, no matter how miserable I feel during the actual action, make me feel somewhat fulfilled. That's how exciting life is. My life.

On a side note, I am damn lucky to have some help to do all this stuff and I only have to do them when they're off. One of the best presents I got ever was my husband giving the news that he had found a cleaning lady back when we were living in NYC. That turned out to be disastrous experience that we only realized when we were moving. That is a whole new post.

signed: vain and lazy.