Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Fear

As I lay awake looking yet again at another hour passed without the sweet lull of sleep I feel the blisters forming on my hands, mostly my knuckles, and another wave of utter fear overwhelms me and my heart starts beating maniacally to catch up to that whooshy-fally feeling (for the lack of words, like when your heart jumps to your mouth on that first fall from the top of the bazillion feet tall roller coaster) I curse at the shallow jerks who blame an earthquake on anything but the catastrophic movement of some plates and their tectonic shifts and moves and I get up to check on my sons and try not to look at the clock because I know there will be more of this torture to come.

5 comments:

Susan said...

((hugs)) Zeynep. I am so sorry you are so anxious and having insomnia. Fear in the middle of the night like that is so paralyzing and so real.

Cem said...

'Shallow jerks' was a bit of understatement, ain't it? :)

Starr said...

That sounds really awful, I have to agree with Susan. You know, this sounds almost as dark as the poems I publish on my own blog, and I write those when I am very depressed; check out my blog sometime and leave a comment telling me what you think...I'm sorry that you go through that, I have insomnia but nothing like that.

Starr said...

I honestly think you are an awesome writer, by the way :)

lisgirl17 said...

as i read your posting its as if i'm going through the same emotion at the same time, the way you describe each fear, anxiety the emotion overwhelm me, it invoke the same feeling.
This is one of the line i like "another wave of utter fear overwhelms me and my heart starts beating maniacally to catch up to that whooshy-fally feeling (for the lack of words, like when your heart jumps to your mouth"