Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Aching Sadness

I had a computer typed letter sized paper on my corkboard while I was going to high school in San Diego. It said: "Deep under the aching sadness that will pass in time I feel I have lost something, I know not what, I know not why."

For some reason, I took a line from Fitzgerald's This Side of Paradise and changed it and hung it up where I could see it every day. Right above my desk, where I spent lots of time. Lots. And I would stare at it in between integrals and chemistry equations and such. Later on, I went to college and hung it up on the same spot in every single dorm room I stayed.

I want to think that the sadness and the loss part effected me so much that I had to have it right in front of me to reflect upon. Quite possibly, a part of the reason was that. But the echo and the flow of the words had a much more profound validity that even though its meaning lost its significance years ago, the words remain in my thoughts and I find myself trying to do something with them. Put them to use. Any suggestions?

"And deep under the aching sadness that will pass in time, Rosalind feels that she has lost something, she knows not what, she knows not why."

1 comment:

Me said...

Having left the only "home" I know (what I had growing up wasn't much), I know exactly what I lost. What I don't know is how this sadness will pass. I wonder if time is really that powerful as I still hurt sometimes thinking about things that happened almost twenty years ago.