Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Random "I feel strange" entry.

So there are times when people tell me that I must be depressed. That I look depressed.(They're all weird and should go and mind their own business ha!). I am the kind of person you hardly see sulking. Or look depressed. I may be depressed, but won't let on, even to myself. I'm more like the "sweep the stuff under the carpet" type. In my everyday life as well. One doomed Friday night I found a bunch of raisins stuck under the carpet (Arda's bidding, Tunca's action, I later found out), apparently, three months after the act. And, as I wrote in previous entries, I am lazy and shallow so I let them be until Monday when the maid would be in.

In this book that I am reading, the main character describes her depression as not the "blues" but the yellows - a never ending hiatus of piss. It seems quite a strange way to express depression, but come to think of it, the mellow temperance, the lukewarm feeling and the hazy outlook is quite fitting.

I think of my depression to be transparent, like saran wrap (hmm, here's something else to analyze my dear shrink - first the Bounty then the saran wrap, there must be something lurking in that weird subconscious of mine - let the housewife out of her chains for gods sake!). I tend to get wrapped in it (oh the irony) but the depression in itself is expertly crafted because -yes- it has these handy little perforations and even though I may look like those securely and tightly wrapped sandwiches they sell in cafes, the pickle or the tomato or the mayo is just waiting for the right moment to burst out. Thanks to the perforations. So just like I get distracted from everything else, I am too scatterbrained to even get truly depressed. (Don't make me eat my words, fate, please).

Analyze that for me please.

Anyways, my shrink (whom I haven't seen in over three years but still really respect and even like) had said that during the construction of my character the foundation was placed pretty well, so slight tremors like 4.5 earthquakes would not knock me down but a stronger one might do enough damage to require renovation. Knock on wood for no earthquakes anytime soon.

No comments: